135: Celebrating 10 Years of Sobriety: 10 Lessons I’ve Learned

In this episode, I celebrate my 10-year sober-versary! 🎉🔟🎉 I share ten key lessons I’ve learned throughout my alcohol-free (and cigarette-free!) journey. 

I open up about how I’ve transformed, what it’s like to navigate situations without alcohol, and why life isn’t as fun, but it’s more joyous than I could have ever imagined. 

Helpful links

• Are you sober-curious? Drop your name and email here.
• Read my blog posts about quitting drinking. 
• Podcast episode 126: Travel, Sobriety & Growth
• Love Letter: I thought this was a harsh response
• Love Letter: I was beautifully mistaken

Transcript (auto-generated, may have grammar errors)

Molly Patrick (00:01.656)
Hello, this is Molly. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Clean Food Dirty Girl podcast. This is a special episode that we’re dropping because I am celebrating 10 whole years, an entire decade of being sober and cigarette free. So I’m gonna give myself a round of applause. Woo hoo! I’m pat myself on the back.

I’m gonna celebrate. So I thought it would be fun to do an episode with kind of 10 things that I’ve learned, that I’ve learned about myself, that have helped me, that have just 10 little nuggets that I thought were important to my sober journey. And I wanted to share those 10 things with you. So 10 years, 10 things I can’t.

It’s really hard to even wrap my head around that. I don’t know what that means, but I think it’s, I’m pretty happy about it. It was the best, one of the best choices I have ever made. And my life, you know, would be a lot different right now if I would not have made that choice 10 years ago. So.

I’ve talked about this a lot. I’ve done podcasts on my sobriety. I’ve written a lot of love letters and blog posts about it. so if this is the first time you’re hearing about it and you’re interested to know more about my particular journey, we will link some of those resources in this show notes. And I’m thinking about doing a sobriety kind of workshop to help people.

drink less or quit drinking if that’s what they want to do. And so I’m thinking about doing like that kind of a workshop. So if you are interested, if you’d be interested in doing that with me, I would be leading that and it might be a few sessions. I want to gauge the interest. So there is in the show notes a little form. You can click on the link and then you could put your name and email address.

Molly Patrick (02:25.676)
to see what kind of interest there is. Because if it’s something that a lot of people would like to help with and would like me to help them with, then I think it would be a great thing and I’d be really, really happy to do it. And if we don’t get a lot of interest, then we won’t do it. But we’ll let you know either way if you put your name and email address in the link in the show notes about the potential kind of…workshop for sober curious people. Okay so I’m just going to start right off the bat number one.

You will need to know the new you. You will get to know the new you. You will need to be open to having there be a new version of yourself because I can guarantee this. The you that drinks is different than the you who doesn’t drink. Those are two very different people. Now we don’t…

Like it’ll still be you obviously, but it’ll be a different version of you. And I had a little hint of this in the beginning that that would be the case. But I didn’t like realize to the extent of that, I don’t think. And you can’t, like you just can’t not change who you are. Because at least for me, drinking was such a

part of my identity. I mean, I did it, I did it well. I loved it. People loved being around me when I was drinking. I had friends who drink a lot. I kept company with people who drink a lot. It was so baked into my life that I knew for sure, like I had this little hint. I mean, I knew, right? There was like this intuitive hit that I just kept getting that

Molly Patrick (04:34.69)
I was just like, Molly, you are not living up to your potential and not in a kind of shitty way, not in a, I’m gonna beat you up because you’re not doing as good as you could be. It was more like a knowing that like, hey, there’s another life out there for me that looks so different, but I will never be able to have that life if I keep doing this.

And so was almost more like another possibility. And I could kind of sense, I could definitely sense that. Like there’s bigger things out there. There’s a bigger life out there. The world is a bigger place and you can expand so much, but your world will be pretty small if you stay doing what you’re doing now. so, and I knew like one of the things that I was really worried about in the beginning was

And I don’t even think that I was worried about this before I quit. I think that I realized quickly after I quit, like, oh, who am I without this? Who am I? Like, it’s not just quitting. It’s trying to figure out who I am without it because it was such a part of my identity and it was so wrapped up in who I was. so that was…

big one and and I think going into it like just being open to the idea of you there being another version of yourself and and I really want to stress that I don’t feel like I’m a better person now than I was then I don’t think I’m a more worthy person or a more lovable person now than I was then I think that we all are worthy and

lovable and all of that by just being alive. I don’t think that like I was a good girl for quitting and now I’m a better person and now I’m more worthy. I don’t think that. I think that I was just as as good of a person then. However, I do know that I’m a much different person now and

Molly Patrick (07:01.762)
You know, there’s some things I think that are, it’s a lot easier for me in many, many ways and it’s harder for me in many, many ways. But being open to the idea of as this change happens, you’re going to be figuring out who you are without alcohol and in my case without cigarettes as well. Cause that was a big, you know, that was big for, know, when I got stressed or when I got worried or.

When I celebrated, smoking and drinking was my thing and I did it together and I really loved it. And so, okay, what kind of human am I now that I don’t have that? Am I the kind of human who, I don’t know, wakes up early? Am I the kind of human who has more friends? Am I the kind of human who works out more? Am I the kind of human who…

goes deep into therapy? Am I the kind of human who, right? Who, like, how do I want to eat, right? Instead of just what am I craving because alcohol really does a number on our cravings. So it’s wild that you really do become another version of yourself. And so being open to that, I think it would have been helpful for me to think about that before I quit. I don’t think that it would have like,

Stop me from quitting or change too much, but I do think it was something that it kind of slapped me upside the face once I quit like Who am I because that’s a big question? For like a Tuesday morning, you know and so I think you know being open to those to this being really for me like such a journey and such a spiritual journey and

getting to know yourself on a much deeper level and all of that stuff, it takes some grit. And I think that the more we know in advance that, that kind of thing might be coming. I think the better it will be. At least you can be open to it, right? Instead of like fighting that when it does happen. Okay, so that’s the first thing. Number two, that was number one. Number two, be open.

Molly Patrick (09:24.236)
to disappointing people and disappointing people. I hate disappointing people. I really do. It’s so hard for me. I really still to this day have to work on this because I would rather oftentimes like I find myself compromising myself to make sure that there’s no tension and making different choices so that everybody else can be comfortable and quote unquote.

And that’s sort of my default. That’s what I fall back on and so this has been a lot of you know, a lot of work to practice Being okay with disappointing people and maybe not even being okay with it, but Being okay with it to the extent in which you’re not going to compromise this really big thing, right like

I might compromise smaller things, like I’m never, you know, the things that are really, really the most important to me, I’m not gonna compromise those things. If it’s a matter of like, okay, pasta or rice for dinner, okay, fine. Like if I want pasta and someone else wants rice, then okay, I’ll have pasta tomorrow, right? So there’s varying degrees of this for sure. But I think in general, you know,

there are going to be people, at least in my experience, and I’m guessing for everybody else who quits, there’s going to be people who are disappointed that you no longer drink at one point or another. And that can be hard because that can kind of put a strain on the relationship and it can change relationships. And sometimes that can end relationships. So I definitely had people in my life who it wasn’t a match anymore.

Right? On a friendship level, I had friends that just, it was great when I was drinking and they were drinking and we really had a lot in common and we liked to connect in that way. But once I quit, was like that, it was kind of complete. Those relationships were complete. And I think too, mean, relationships even that I had that continued.

Molly Patrick (11:46.71)
there would be times where there might be some disappointment here and there that I didn’t drink. Or even just going to a party and somebody has a buzz already and they see you and they’re like, here have a drink and you’re like, no thanks. And then it’s like a kind of buzzkill for them. And I get that.

because I was that person when I would drink. wanted, you know, the more people that drank with me, the better because that just meant that I was normal. And it made me feel like what I was doing is okay. It’s normalized. But if somebody, you know, if I was having a buzz and I was like, here’s a drink and somebody’s like, no, thanks. I don’t drink. That would be uncomfortable for me because it might bring up things in me that I wasn’t so comfortable.

And so that might be disappointing for me. there might be a lot of different people in your life who, I don’t know, are benefiting in ways from you drinking that when you quit, they’re not gonna be benefiting from that anymore in various ways. And so I think that it’s safe to say that we’re all gonna come across people in our lives that are gonna be disappointed.

Right? If we don’t do certain things, we do this to other people regardless of whether it’s drinking or eating or taking care of yourself or whatever. It’s like, we want people to do the things that we want people to do. And generally that’s what we do. Right? So being okay with disappointing people I think is a really good practice. And you can practice with small stuff and you can just know that

It’s okay. I mean, one thing that I always just remind myself is, you know, it’s okay if someone has feelings. You know, we all have feelings and it’s okay if someone has feelings that are that are uncomfortable for me to to witness or to. Yeah, especially if my action is triggering disappointment for them. It’s not ever me.

Molly Patrick (14:08.184)
who’s making somebody disappointed. It’s what they are thinking about me that’s creating the disappointment because I’ll just go back to my coaching kind of roots here and remind everyone that the reason we feel a certain way is not because of the outside circumstances, it’s what we’re thinking about the outside circumstances. So, right, so somebody wouldn’t

disappoint me, it would be more like I was having thoughts about their behavior that led to the disappointment. It’s not them. So that’s a good way to think about it because it keeps you kind of neutral and it kind of allows you to let go of the responsibility and like

bearing somebody else’s emotions and holding somebody else’s emotions and feeling really responsible for other people’s emotions because we’re not, right? We can bring those emotions up for people. can trigger, you know, a reaction in people that would lead to them feeling a certain way, but we’re never the root cause of why somebody is disappointed or angry or mad.

We’re just bringing up something for them and then they’re feeling that. And it can really seem like, I’m disappointed by you. You are creating the disappointment, but that’s not the way that it works. I’ve done podcasts on this before as well. if you wanna, you can search like thought model. And I think I go over that. think I did a podcast about that, but that is a really good tool to use.

in this situation because it kind of gives yourself some distance and some room to let that other person have their feelings, whatever they are. And again, it’s a practice. I have to practice as well. I have to practice often. And I think that’s like some of my big lifelong stuff. But knowing that you will probably trigger some disappointment in some people in your life when you quit drinking and just knowing that that’s okay. They get to be disappointed.

Molly Patrick (16:25.634)
They get to be mad, they get to be angry, and you don’t have to take responsibility for that. And you can still keep making the choices that are best for you because only you can live your life. You don’t ever wanna do something or make these big life choices to make other people more comfortable because it’s not other people that have to live your life. You are the one that has to live your life. And so you have to…

deal with the consequences of the choices that you make. And so handing over that power to somebody else, that’s going to create a life that you may be happy with or may not be happy with. So that’s kind of the bigger picture of why this is important because we don’t want

We don’t want other people to make our choices for us because we’re the ones that have to live our life and live those choices and live with the consequences of those choices. Okay, so that was number two. Number three, let’s see, if you don’t make it a big deal that you don’t drink, most people won’t be kind of annoying about it.

And this is people like, let’s say you do go to a party and somebody’s like, oh, what do you want to drink? And you’re like, oh, I would like some tea or I would like some bubbly water. Or if you go out to a bar with friends and the bartender asks you what you want and you’re like, hey, I would love a Sprite or whatever. And if somebody asks you, oh, well, like, why aren’t you drinking? What’s going on? And you just say, oh, I prefer not to drink or I’m not drinking tonight.

You can say whatever you want, but when you don’t make it a big deal, I’ve found that people are just like, okay, you know, that’s cool. And it depends on the person though, right? Because we just talked about people who might be, you you’re not drinking would trigger some disappointment in them or some kind of feelings for them. But there’s also the flip side of that, that when, and this generally is, you know,

Molly Patrick (18:40.566)
more applicable to people who you don’t know really well. It could be like, you know, avoiding the conversation with a stranger about why you don’t drink and going through all of the story and all of the things. You might not want to, you know, talk to a stranger about your whole relationship with alcohol. It’s, you know, I don’t, I just don’t. So it’s easier for me to say, I prefer not to drink. yeah, I don’t drink. yeah, I’m not drinking, you know, and just keep the train moving.

So I think you can be light about it, you can be quick about it, and you never ever have to justify your choices. You don’t ever have to think that, this person needs an explanation and I have to give an explanation, because you don’t. You don’t have to give anybody an explanation. Do you know that I didn’t tell, there were only three people who I told I was, not four maybe, who I told when I quit drinking.

And these were people who were like the closest to me. Apart from that, I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t even make it a thing. Nobody even knew. I mean, apart from the fact that I wasn’t drinking, but it wasn’t like something that I brought up or that I talked about for the first year. Because I wanted to really have one year of sobriety under my belt before I talked about it. Because although I was very adamant about this choice and really determined about this choice, I also wanted to make

sure that, okay, this is what I’m doing. And I felt like, okay, if I can go a year, then I’m comfortable talking about it. And I also think that waiting that year put people more at ease when I did talk about it. And mainly, like our community and the dirties and people who, you know, get my Saturday emails and mainly people in our community and also just friends who I hadn’t.

talked with about this, know, I think waiting that year was like then when I really was ready to talk about it, they didn’t feel worried for me. You know, if I would have said, I quit drinking and it’s been a month, like that’s awesome. And also then if you really start talking about it and like, I’m done with drinking and you know, I’ve been doing it my whole life, but it’s been a month and I’m better now. Like I think that that for me anyways, that felt like it was a pretty

Molly Patrick (21:06.242)
like a lot of responsibility for somebody else and they might feel like, okay, talk to me, talk to me in a year and then we’ll have this conversation. And I didn’t get that feedback from anybody, but it’s just what I felt comfortable with. And I really needed to sort out a lot for myself before I talked to anybody else about it because it was a lot to process and unpack and feel. And it was this really kind of deep work that I was doing and I couldn’t talk about it.

until that first year. There was a lot of shame that I was dealing with, a lot of regret I was dealing with, a lot of embarrassment I was dealing with. was definitely a time where I was pretty raw. so I kept, know, my normal life kept going, but this was like a part of it that I just kept to myself for that time. And that was very helpful. So all of that to say, if you…

don’t want to explain your whole situation to somebody. If you don’t want to get into it with somebody, you don’t have to. And the best way that I found to do that is to be very brief in your answer when somebody asks you why you’re not drinking and then move on, change the subject, ask them a question, whatever. and that really works with like strangers or people who I don’t know all that well. Hey, and if you do want to tell your whole story, then go for it. That works too.

But generally people are pretty cool if you don’t make a big deal about it, they’re not gonna keep crying. Okay, so number four. Life is not as fun as it used to be, but it’s a lot more enjoyable and there’s a lot more joy to life. It’s not as pleasurable, it’s not as fun, it’s not as exciting and thrilling and the highs aren’t as high, but overall,

it’s more peaceful, it’s more enjoyable, and there is more joy in my life. And so when you are in the early stages of quitting, or I mean, at least for me, I was like, well, hello, boring life, how am I supposed to do this? This is horrible. Is life just gonna be this boring from now on? Is that what it’s gonna be? And I remember thinking that.

Molly Patrick (23:32.438)
and I was there for it, it’s okay, sign me up, I’m here. I would rather be really, really bored than dead or really sick or dealing with the fallout of a long running addiction. So okay, boring was better than that. But I just remember thinking, okay, this is what I signed up for. This is not fun at all.

And it took a while to be able to have that joy come in and have that peace come in. But it did, it did come and it’s still here. And my life is much more even, much more peaceful, much more little moments of joy that I just did not have before because it was just numbed out. Colors are a little bit brighter, tastes are…

you know all of my senses seemed to be working better. I seemed to be just more alive than I was. I just feel like my whole self was just a kind of doled out, grayed out version of myself and there just wasn’t a lot of spark and as I kept living my life without alcohol, without alcohol, without alcohol, it’s like slowly my life kind of came into

color and slowly I started like wait my senses started waking up and and that piece kind of came in and you know no it’s not as fun and exciting all the time I also don’t have the lows that I had either it’s just more kind of steady in the middle and for me that it’s it’s much it’s much happier even though it’s less fun which is weird but

You know, it’s it’s something that you’ll know when you go through it what I mean, so Yeah, if you’re if you’re if you’re in the early stages of quitting and you feel like This is so boring. Just know that yes, it is and yes, it will start to feel more joyful soon Okay, let’s see one two three four, okay, this is five halfway there I’m not being hungover never gets old

Molly Patrick (25:57.428)
never gets old. I never take that for granted. I never wake up feeling amazing for granted. I’ll never get sick. I’ll never not get sick of… Okay, that turned into a complicated sentence. I’ll never regret not waking up without a hangover. Let’s just put it that way.

I feel so good in the mornings and energized and ready to get out of bed in the morning. And I just, 10 years later, God, I remember those hangovers and how much they sucked. I just, you know, every day I’m like, I don’t miss a hangover. I say it like nearly every day. And I think I have for the past 10 years, maybe every other day. But very often I’m like, I’m not hungover. It’s so nice not to be hungover.

So that was one of the big, you know, one of the big, big selling points for me of this whole sobriety thing. I mean, there was a lot of, a lot of reasons why I did it, but that was a, that was a like really lovely cherry on top. Okay, number one, two, three, four, five, number six. Okay, so let’s see. I think as the years went by,

the less I missed it. But I will say even 10 years in, there are times that I do miss it still. There are times that I’m like, wow, it would be really nice to be able to have that glass of wine or two.

have a beer or whatever. Usually that happens when I’m around other people who are drinking. There are times when I do miss it because it was fun and it did make things more exciting and it did make me feel really, really damn good. I talked about this on a recent connection call with the Drop-Its, that’s the plant-powered weight loss group.

Molly Patrick (28:09.898)
when people are going through quitting hyper palatable processed foods.

there’s this very valid and very real thing to missing how those foods make you feel because it is a relief. It does make you feel good. does, you know, create these create these wonderful not wonderful, but create these feel good chemicals in your brain that are like,

life is good, even if you’re having a hard day, even if you’re having a stressful day or whatever, it’s just that makes it feel better. Alcohol feels, to be buzzed, it feels great. To eat cookies, man, what a relief. And so I think honoring that and really understanding that there’s nothing wrong with you for enjoying that and understanding that, yeah, that’s something that you’re not going to have anymore.

And so if you find yourself missing that, it’s perfectly normal. It’s perfectly okay. You get to miss stuff. Even if it was stuff that was doing you harm, you still get to miss it. And so if you do find yourself missing it, it’s okay, first of all, and you missing it isn’t a reason to go back to it at all. It’s just…

a matter of you acknowledging that, I missed that. Yeah, that was really nice. Yeah, I enjoyed that. Yeah, that, I mean, in the, with the alcohol for me, yeah, that made it a lot easier for me to be social. It made it a lot easier for me to go out of my house and to be around other humans. Like that made it incredibly easy and it’s not as easy now. And I, dang, I missed that. That’s okay. That is human. You are human.

Molly Patrick (30:08.97)
It also doesn’t mean that you have to obey that and be like, just because I miss something means that I need to go back to it. Nope, no, no, no. You can miss it and you don’t have to act on that to try to not miss it, right? And I think when we try to resist that, when we try to resist missing it, that makes it harder to just…

move forward that can kind of be like, okay, we’re resisting it so much. That’s when we kind of like white knuckle through it a little bit. And that only works for so long. But when you kind of stop, release your grip and allow yourself to have whatever feelings are coming up, then you can process those feelings. And you can continue on. You you’re not trying to make those feelings go away. You’re honoring those feelings. And so I don’t know that I’ll ever

You know, I think I miss it less now because I just don’t think about it as much anymore But there are certainly times that I do miss it and I don’t know if that will ever go away fully and that’s okay I get to I get to miss it and I can still Honor that and I can still be like yeah that was That was good in ways that provided relief that made it easier in ways and I’m gonna continue to be sober Okay, the next one is

I had this idea. I had this very, very funny idea looking back. It was so cute to think of myself 10 years ago. And I remember I had this thought, thinking, man, if I can quit drinking and get rid of the hangovers and just do away with this, like my life is going to be so much easier. I’m not going to have any problems. Right. Because in my head, this was like my biggest issue. My biggest issue was drinking and

really being addicted to it and really dealing with the consequences of that. And I thought, man, if that is out of my life, I’m gonna have nothing to worry about. And how wrong and cute I was because my problems did not magically disappear. And in fact, those, and I say problems with air quotes, Those problems, they shifted.

Molly Patrick (32:32.842)
all of a sudden it was other things and it was deeper things. It was like deeper problems then emerge when that layer of pleasure was removed, right? I removed that layer of pleasure thinking that, all my problems will be solved. And then all of a sudden,

the deeper issues that were kind of bubbling underneath the surface were able to finally come up. And I’m like, shit, I’m a mess. My problems did not disappear. My problems are just starting. Damn it. And it kind of started this journey of, like I said before, really looking at the shame and looking at the regret and looking at the embarrassment and figuring out how I can forgive myself.

all of the things that come up. So no, my problems did not magically disappear. They shifted, they changed, they became bigger, and all of that was a good thing because then I could finally work on the deeper stuff. And that deeper stuff, that’s the stuff that once you heal that, then you don’t have to keep, stuff just doesn’t come up once you get to the root of it, right, as much.

And so I was able to do that bigger work, but only after I removed the layer of pleasure. And I just think it was so cute that I thought, my problems are over. Life is gonna be so easy when I quit drinking. Nope, not really. Now, the problems, the issues, the challenges in my life are much easier now to navigate without drinking because I’m more focused and I’m more.

and my mind is sharper and I get better sleep and like all the things and so it’s like I’m more I’m better equipped to handle shit when it hits the fan and a lot of it has woof especially in the past couple of years a lot of it has and I can’t imagine going through all of the unpleasant stuff that I went through in the past couple of years while drinking I

Molly Patrick (34:51.682)
don’t think that I would have been strong enough to get through it because you think that drinking is gonna make it easier, but it doesn’t. Alcohol is a depressant. produces anxiety. Alcohol, you know, it’s, I mean, it feels good in the moment, but then afterward, it’s worse and it affects your sleep and it affects, you know.

if you’re moving your body, how you’re showing up and exercising, how you’re sleeping, how you’re eating, it affects so much that now that I’m sort of this really healthy, solid, sturdy version of myself, the challenges that come up suck, but I can trust myself to get through them in the best way that I can. And that’s not always perfectly, I can tell you that for sure.

but it is getting through them in a way that at least I don’t feel like I’m crumbling or like I don’t have it in me to deal with it. And that is how I felt when I was drinking. I was like, if something hard happens, I won’t be able to deal with it. I felt so weak, spiritually, physically, emotionally, I just felt weak and I felt like alcohol was the cause of that.

And so by removing that, I became a lot stronger and more resilient and more able to handle shit when it comes up without getting knocked over. so, yeah, that was sort of like seven and a half, I guess. My point seven and a half. Number eight. Okay, so this is kind of, I was sort of getting into this one a little bit before.

But it has really, quitting drinking and quitting smoking has really upleveled my life. Like you always see those people, they’re like, how can you uplevel your life? How could you like, you know, I think that’s the buzzword or it used to be like upleveling, right? But it really did, it upleveled my life. Like the quality of sleep, so much better. Eating healthier, so much easier because I’m not craving, know, fatty, salty foods.

Molly Patrick (37:14.656)
working out the quality of my exercise, my motivation, my focus, being able to work in a way that is really productive, my relationships, mean all of it just I feel like I kind of put on this I don’t know almost like this it’s like a superpower that I had with it because everything I was able to

step into this version of myself. That is so much.

stronger in all of the ways. And so if you drink a lot and you are thinking about quitting, just know that this one shift can make a difference in every area of your life. And for me, it’s like having a superpower. I can handle it. Not perfectly. Doesn’t mean that I don’t have my moments and my days. And some days I’m just like, I’m going to bed. Fuck it. can’t.

cope for a moment, but then I take a nap and I wake up and okay, it’s all right. And that certainly, I mean, like my sister died in 2023 and I went through the grief of that and not drinking doesn’t make life perfect and it doesn’t mean that I’m not sad and doesn’t mean that I don’t have those challenging emotions, but it just allows me to truly be present for those. And I’m strong enough to be present for those and I’m…

Open to the hard stuff in a way that I wasn’t before because I thought it would break me and now I’m open to the hard stuff and I know it’s not gonna break me. I know I’m gonna be okay I know that it doesn’t last forever. I know that I can keep eating healthy. I know that I can keep moving my body I know I could keep getting good sleep. I know I can keep hydrating. I know I can keep doing my job even when things are hard and so

Molly Patrick (39:11.31)
talk about a superpower and talk about upleveling your life. I mean, for me, to think about going back, to think about starting to drink again, it’s not even an option. And I’ve told people, maybe I’ve talked about it on this podcast, but I’ve told people, people will ask, are you nervous you’re gonna drink again? Do you think that you might? Are you ever tempted to drink again?

think about it and my go-to answer is like, know, drinking, it’s like this, would just like, I’m not gonna eat meat ever, I’m just not gonna do it, I’m not gonna drink. And it would be like you asking me if I was going to put that rock in my mouth and chew it. I’m like, rocks don’t belong in my mouth, why would I do that? That’s silly, that’s really how I feel about it. Like that’s how.

foreign, it seems to me, and that’s how not a not anything that I’m interested in doing. It’s not a match for me. It’d be like eating rocks and humans don’t eat rocks. I don’t eat rocks. So the answer is no, I don’t ever feel tempted. I don’t ever feel like I might drink. I know like there was one time in 2022 where I wasn’t thinking about drinking, but I was

wondering what it would be like to start drinking. I wasn’t thinking about doing it, but I was thinking about how it would be to do it. And I wasn’t close to starting, but it did scare me a little bit. And I did need to shift some things in my life and make some different choices and look at what was going on in my life that was bringing this up because I knew that that thinking

was not a good sign and I knew that there was things out of balance and I know that there were things in my life that needed to change. And so that was a real red flag for me when I started thinking about thinking about it. I was like, okay, I need to make some changes. And I did and it was very, very hard and yeah, extremely hard, but it is what needed to happen.

Molly Patrick (41:37.972)
And so that was the only time that I ever even got close to drinking again. And it wasn’t even, like I said, wasn’t even about drinking again. It was about thinking of what it would be like if I chose to do that. But other than that, no, it’s just basically a bunch of gravel in my mouth and rocks in my mouth and that just won’t work. That won’t do. So no, I don’t ever think about it in that way.

Yeah, I never consider that an option. It’s just, it’s like a hard no. Okay, number nine. One thing that this process has helped me is to gain trust in myself because I showed myself that I could do something that felt impossible. It really did feel impossible in the beginning. I was like, what?

And even like right before I quit just thinking about it, I was like, I don’t know how that works. How do I go a whole day, a whole week, a whole month, a whole year without drinking?

How do I do that? Like how does one do that? It felt impossible. Impossible. Could not even imagine it. I was gonna do it. I did it. It was one foot in front of the other. It was a moment at a time, a day at a time, but also it just felt impossible. I mean, I look back and I still think, wow, I did that. That was really fucking hard.

And so I was able to show myself that I could do something that felt impossible. And this helped me because since then there have been other things in my life that have felt nearly impossible. And I think back and I think, no, if I can quit drinking, if I can quit smoking, if I can quit both at the same time, I can…

Molly Patrick (43:47.5)
trust myself that I can do really hard things and that I can do the impossible stuff or like give it my absolute best. And so it made me trust myself and and and yeah when those situations came came up when those things came up that okay I you know this is what I’m gonna do and it feels like it’s can’t be done but hey I know I know it can and if it’s something that’s in my

capacity to change or to do. There’s some things that we just don’t have control over, especially when it comes to other people or really outside circumstances. if there’s a goal that you have or a problem that you are working on that can change with your participation and with your involvement, these are the things. I’ve let go of trying to change the shit that I can’t change because you’re not going to win with that.

right, and letting go of those things are very good for mental health. However, there are things that you can change. There are situations that you can change for yourself that you can work on that given your participation can change. And those things might feel impossible. But I showed myself 10 years ago that I could do the impossible, that it felt impossible. And guess what? I did it. And so that’s told me now for all these years that whenever stuff comes up that’s hard, I can do it.

I can do it, I got it. I could do that, I can do something else. And so it really helped me trust myself. And that was a beautiful thing. There’s actually two more, so this is gonna be 11 things, because I just thought of another one that I wanted to share. So number 10, and I know that this can be kind of, not really, maybe controversial, I don’t know. I didn’t do this in a way that was associated with any…

like 12 step program or any program at all. This is me doing it with and for myself. And that’s what I felt most comfortable with. I have gone to meetings before and it just didn’t feel like a fit for me. It didn’t feel good for me. And so I honored that. So this is something that I did really just by myself. for me, it’s how I had to do it. And that worked.

Molly Patrick (46:13.998)
for me, doesn’t work for everybody. And I’m really glad that there are programs out there for people who need them, for those people who do, or for people who those programs do work for, I’m very happy that they are there. For me, it wasn’t a match, I didn’t do that. And I know a lot of people talk about one day at a time, and it is, because we only have, I mean, we only have right now, actually. So it’s like one moment at a time.

And I know that thinking about sort of, okay, we’re gonna do this day, know, let’s just focus on this day. I think that there is some that can be very, very helpful. And even with our droplets in the droplet group, you know, I tell people don’t think about the bigger picture so much, just focus on your next best choice. Because if you’re focusing on the bigger picture, you can get overwhelmed and you can think like, you know, I don’t wanna think about a year.

you know, having my goal be reached in a year or two, like I want it now and so it can work against us. So I say like, just focus on your next best choice. Focus on your dinner tonight, focus on your breakfast tomorrow, think about the next 24 hours. And so I know that that can be very helpful. For me, when I quit drinking, there was like a switch because I had

tried to quit before. I had tried to cut back. I had tried to just minimize how much I was drinking. It never worked. It just would not work. And I had to come to the realization that I am just one of those people who can’t drink. Once I start, I have a very hard time stopping. It’s like this little switch. There’s a switch that should go off and it doesn’t.

And so I know that I am just one of those people who can’t drink. So for me, it actually helped me to think about, does that mean in five years I’m not gonna drink? Yes, that means in five years I’m not going to drink. Because if I would have done it the other way, if I would have been like, no, I’m just working on today, that would have given me too much wiggle room for myself. Because if I thought there was a chance that I could drink in a year or two or five,

Molly Patrick (48:40.02)
my brain would have made so many excuses and manipulated myself in such a way that I would justify drinking today. So I had to have a very strong boundary for myself. Like I am the kind of person who can’t drink and I am not drinking and that is going to be my life forever. For some people it’s not

It’s not helpful for me. It was the only way because I swear if I again if I said well, yeah, I’m you know, this is just now we’ll see what happens later That was like giving me a free pass to go out and buy three bottles of wine and drink them it had to be all or nothing for me and so I just wanted to throw that out there to remind people that there are different ways to quit and

not every way works for every person the same and that is what really really helped me. But again that might not be helpful for you. You you might think no I just have to have a be about today because otherwise it’s too overwhelming and I get that. My way isn’t right or wrong or you know no way is right or wrong. think the do what if you’re somebody who is sober curious who wants to be sober do whatever helps you stay sober.

That’s sort of the takeaway. Okay, now the last one, number 11, is this is something that I’ve mentioned some of these things that I just went over in previous episodes and previous love letters and blog posts and stuff, but this one is kind of new because this has, I have been working on this more recently in the past couple of years, in the past year.

really a lot and that is the importance of self-compassion and being a friend to yourself and being friendly to yourself and being kind and loving and compassionate with yourself and there was some of that sprinkled in these past 10 years. mean there was certainly times when I really needed that and I was able to do that but only

Molly Patrick (51:07.882)
in the past year have I been really, really dedicated to?

having that be a big presence in my life and balancing, having that be more of a balance and not as sporadic, right? So just really loving myself. And I’ve gotten to the point, yeah, I can really love myself. I no longer have shame about my past. And maybe if I…

if there’s certain things I think about, maybe a little shame does come up. But I’ve learned that I can love that too. I can sit with that shame. It can be okay that that shame is there. I know that I’m human. I know that everybody has all the feelings and I get to have all the feelings too. And so if regret comes up, that’s okay. I can be like, yeah, it’s hard. Yeah, that was, you know, a sad thing that happened or yeah, you didn’t.

you know, show up your very best. That’s true and that’s hard and I see that and it’s okay and you know, you get to be human just like everybody else. It’s like not sugarcoating it into pretending that I’m perfect and just like loving myself no matter what, it’s also, but it’s, really being the kind of friend that you want to have, but have, being that friend to yourself, right? If you, if, if you were talking to a friend about something hard, you’re

There are different types of friends out there and some friends might be like, don’t think that, you’re fine. And it’s of invalidating in ways. But when you can have a friend that’s like, that must be rough. That sounds really hard. And it’s sort of like that friend is witnessing you. They’re seeing you. They’re seeing you without judgment. They’re holding space for you. And they’re saying, hey, you get to be human too. Yeah, I see that you’re hurting and I’m here.

Molly Patrick (53:11.766)
You know, not trying to fix it, not trying to change it, not trying to get you to think something else, but just honoring that and being friendly about that with yourself, being kind, being compassionate, being loving, having grace and allowing whatever comes up to come up. And so that work, although I have done some of that work over the past 10 years, I now I’m doing it at a different. I have a different understanding of it now.

in a way that I can relate to better and in a way that serves me better. And it’s been a process, but I understand it in a way now that I’m like, oh, okay, got it. This isn’t a way to pretend that.

I’m never disappointed with myself. This is a way to be compassionate towards myself when I do feel disappointed with myself. And that’s a big distinction. It’s a big difference. And so that has been coming into my life and that has been really helpful and very, very healing. And I think if I would have understood this better and if I would have practiced self-compassion more in the beginning, I think I would have probably had a bit of an easier time.

Now, that said, I think that my process was my process and it went the way that it was supposed to go and it got me here exactly where I am right now. And so it all turned out okay in the end so far, right? But it is something that I do enjoy now is practicing self-compassion and just always reminding myself, hey, what would you say to a friend if a friend brought that to you?

What would you say to somebody who you really, really love who brought that to you? Oh, yeah, I can say that to me too. So that’s been something that has, I think it’s just complimented my sobriety and where I’m at now in my life. So that, those are the 10 things, actually 11, and this went way longer than I thought that it would. I guess I had a lot to say. I am proud of myself. I am so happy that I made that choice so many years ago and

Molly Patrick (55:29.87)
You know, it was just, was one of the best choices, like I said, that I have ever made. And thank you for, you know, being here and for celebrating this with me. I know that a lot of you listening have been in this community for as long as I’ve been sober. And I think that that’s amazing to have your presence for all of these years and to be kind of doing this life along with me.

I think that it’s so, cool and I’m honored to have so many people from back in the day kind of still here and still tuning in and still connecting. So thank you for that. And thank you for celebrating with me today. And if you’re interested at all in doing some kind of sober curious workshop, do go to the show notes, put your name and email address in and we will keep you posted. Okay, so here’s to another sober, fantastic, wonderful, hard, heartbreaking, challenging, joyful 10 years. Here’s to being human together. Okay, bye.